Going Commercial by Petra Michelle

 

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM. RURAL NEW YORK HOME - DAY

Wearing a Mets jersey and a pair of jeans while anticipating the baseball game, a FAN swigs a bottle of beer.

FAN Victoria! The game's about to start!

Just as his WIFE enters the living room, a commercial flashes on the television.

INSERT COMMERCIAL IN QUOTES

"Rembrandt, for a smile you can count on."

Without hesitation, Victoria rushes into the bathroom and brushes her teeth. Bill smiles.

"If it isn't Orville Redenbacher, it isn't popcorn."

Victoria dashes into the kitchen in search of the popcorn maker, fills it to the brim with kernels, then plugs it in.

"Escape the smell of odor with Hefty's scented garbage bags."

At commercial speed, Victoria discards the half-empty kitchen trash and replaces it with a fresh Hefty bag. Bill shakes his head.

The popcorn begins to pop.

"Bounty, the quicker, picker upper."

On cue, Victoria yanks a sheet of Bounty and cleans the kitchen sink.

"Kenmore, life running beautifully."

Just in time, Victoria pulls out the vacuum cleaner as the popcorn maker's lid explodes off, popping corn pinging throughout the kitchen, covering the floor. But she abandons the kitchen to vacuum around Bill's feet. He looks up at her with a forced smile.

"Victoria's Secret Lingerie sale starts tomorrow."

Bill runs his hand through his hair as Victoria disappears. He swigs his beer. In what seems less than a minute, Victoria reappears wearing a black negligee. Seating her on his lap,

BILL (grinning) Honey, it's not going to work this time.

VICTORIA No?

Bill shakes his head gently; Victoria sighing.

"Men should act like men, and light beer should taste like beer."

Bill blinks at the bottle of beer in his hand.

Grabbing Victoria,

BILL Here's Billy!

FADE TO BLACK